The crew, from the gulf, entered the Euphrates. They contemplated entering the Black Sea, arriving to Greece that way. However, when they realized where and when they were, they instead moved through Syria towards the easternmost edge of the Mediterranean instead. They had no intention of missing this.
Now, in Egypt, there was a righteous man, who was destined to lead a tribe of chosen people to their chosen land. I don’t recall his name, unfortunately.
However, the pharaoh had this man killed. So the chosen people were left with Moses, the replacement prophet. So much for destiny.
The prophet, through winded ways, found himself at Mount Horeb. He believed he smelled a barbecue; instead, he found a burning bush.
The bush is in the midst of fire, but it is not consumed. What a fire! He marveled, and took off his sandals, for the ground around that bush was holy.
This was not true. This bush was Gary.
Andy and Gary figured it would be a great privilege to play God. They debated and wrestled over who would be God; they then decided on a coin toss. Andy had heads, Gary had tails. Andy flipped; the silver coin went up, it flipped many times, then it landed; tails. Though Gary had devised a thousand ways to cheat, Andy had devised a thousand and one countermeasures, so the flip was fair.
Andy had doused the bush with gasoline and set it on fire; he then fanned it to keep the fire alive. He cursed his luck the whole time.
Gary said he was the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob; the prophet initially hid his face, as he thought his forefathers were giving him a stern talking to, but he then recalled Joseph and Judah. And Reuben and Levi and Dan, Gary said, I’m not naming all twelve of them, that’s enough.
Gary said the prophet would lead Israel to Canaan, the land of milk and honey; the prophet replied, Food and water work for me.
Give me your staff, Gary commanded. The prophet did so. Andy took it and threw out a snake. I have made your staff into a snake, Gary explained. The prophet was amazed. Can you turn the snake back into a staff? Andy looked at Gary with a meaningful look: I’m not touching that snake again. Gary said, No.
But, Gary continued, give me your skin of water. The prophet did so. Andy emptied it out and poured in the blood of a goat. Behold, Gary proclaimed, I have changed water into blood. The prophet looked into the skin full of blood. I really wanted wine, he said.
Gary said, Now go, and tell all that I am almighty. Even Paul and Paula? the prophet asked.
Those were not semitic names. Who? Gary asked.
Paul and Paula, they built the pyramids.
A complicated arrangement was made to transport the burning bush to Paul and Paula. Andy never had to fan so hard in his life.
Paul and Paula were grey, large-eyed, slouching humanoids with large heads. They came from Kepler-186f, wanting to escape the city life in their retirement age. Paul liked to build things in his spare time, as panoramas, ships, mausoleums for alien civilizations. They shyly said Hi to Andy and Gary.
Paul and Paula would use their chariot, the prophet pointed to their disk-shaped ship, to build the pyramids for us. In fact, as swell as a land of milk and honey would be, Paul and Paula have done all of our work for us, so life here isn’t so bad.
Andy and Gary needed to kill Paul and Paula.
Fortunately, Paul and Paula sought a more intimate adventure on planet Earth, and related that they wanted to join Andy and Gary’s, really the grouch’s, crew. This resolved the plot hole...for now.
© 2025 Jay Lee